Monday, January 5, 2009

The week that changed our life

So after the initial phone call with S on a Thursday in the freezing cold at O'hare aiport, I hadn't heard from them by Sat. I decided to call and got K on the phone, S wasn't home and K said that she would call me back. At this point I was feeling like this was all the other situations we had been in and that nothing would come of it. But we were used to running down every lead. On Sunday, I was at work (at my church) and I started silently praying about it. Our last situation, the potential mother had told me I was too pushy (me!?) - when I thought I truly been just counseling and helping her. Needless to say I was a bit gun shy to come off as too aggressive. As I was working and praying though, my heart just told me to try and call again. This time S answered and I apologized for calling to much. She said to me: "you call all you want, you are interested in adopting my grandson! If you didn't call you'd be off our list!" Whew. That phone call turned into a two hour marathon conversation with S and K.

It was amazing and by the end of it we had made a plan for John and I to drive 7 hours the following weekend to meet them. After talking to many many families, they told us at this point they were meeting us and another family. Truth be told - I was jaded and kept telling myself, go through the motions so you don't regret it but don't get your hopes up. They told me to call again any time or they would call early in the week.

On Monday, John was off from work and he answered the phone when S called to talk. They ended up talking for over an hour as well and they too got along great! The plan was still in place and we were cautiously talking about this baby boy and could he maybe be our son?

Tuesday: I was out scouting a location for a movie that I was helping to produce with my friend who had written the screenplay and was the Executive Producer. After a couple of years in the making we were getting ready to shoot in a couple of weeks. I had just gone to the bathroom when John called me, here was the converstaion:

J: Where are you
D: in the bathroom
J: you need to sit down
D: i'm in the bathroom! (now at the sink)
J: you really need to sit down
D: what is it? just tell me, did something happen?
J: Shirley called....
D: Ok
J: She said that her and K had talked and that they weren't going to meet the other family. They said they want us to parent Jack. They picked us! They want us to adopt Jack!
D: What!? then stunned silence. Oh my God - come get me.

My friend C was in the bathroom with me and I was freaking out. I had to leave, S & K picked us but they wanted to talk to both or our mother's first. I have to go! We were jumping up and down in the bathroom of a local hotel. John came to get me and went on to explain that S wanted to talk to our mom's. She said you can tell a lot about a person by how their parents are. So off we went straight to my Mom's house. I was reminded of the last time we had drove to my Mom's to tell about a future baby. I was pregnant with the first baby we lost. It was amazing how far we had come.

Both our Mom's talked to S that day and it was so cool to see. Of course S loved them and they loved her and we finalized our plan to visit that weekend - only now as K & S said - we were going to meet "our son". It still seemed such a distant possibility and I was so terrified to have my heart broken again, but I had to trust them and trust God that this was the path we were meant to be on. We spoke to our attorney that week, and theirs. We set up a conference call with Jack's cardiologist to discuss his condition and prognosis and started to pack for our weekend in Ohio. The first thing John said was - we have to put the nursery back together! Where is everything?


Saturday, January 3, 2009

One Year Ago

It was about this time last year that I gave up all hope of ever having a baby. We had been "on profile" with our agency for over 14 months, lived through a failed match and had just found out that yet again we were not chosen. Our nursery had been complete and empty for almost a year, and when I got the call that once again we would not be parents I ripped apart our entire nursery, silently with a dear friend who showed up with coffee and asked no questions. She just worked with me side by side, my grief overtaking our space. I truly felt that day that perhaps we had gone down the wrong road and that parenthood was something that we would never have.

I booked a trip to Cancun with sister vowing to not think, talk, write, read, breath adoption. It had become all consuming and I just needed to let it go for awhile. We enjoyed three beautiful days in the sun at the end of January and on our last day while laying by the pool, I had a premonition. Something was happening at home on the adoption front but I tried not to think about it.

We landed in Chicago the next day and I checked my voicemail at home and there was a long message on there about a baby boy. What!?! I quickly paged my husband and asked him what this was all about. Apparently, my friend N had called the night before about an email she had received from her friend who knew we were trying to adopt. A woman had sent a mass email on behalf of her cousin in Ohio basically saying that they were looking for a family for a 7 week old baby boy with a heart condition and if anyone knew a potential adoptive family to have them call.

Well the call on the VM were all the details of the baby's birth family. I made the first phone call standing outside Ohare airport freezing to death and talked to S - the baby's birth grandmother. After a pretty quick conversation, answering some basic question - I told her that I would forward my profile and maybe we could talk again. After 14 months, and all the random situations we had been in that didn't work out, never in my wildest thoughts did I think this phone call would lead to our son......