Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The infertility Train

Though I want to talk about adoption on my blog because it is a big part of my life, I don't want it to be the only thing i write about. I do think the story to our son is a big part of my life and of 2008 for me. So before I head off into the new year - I thought I would recap our story a bit. (as short as i possible can!)

Our story is not unique. Infertility did in fact drive us to adoption. I'd like to say "it was something I always knew I'd do eventually" - it wasn't. I wanted a baby, a family, plain and simple. We struggled through 3 years of infertility treatments. Clomid and IUI got us pregnant after 6 months. I remember finally getting that pink line and being so excited that it was our turn. I bought a book for my husband and inscribed it, I framed a picture for Grandma with the potential due date - I never imagined in a million years after such a long struggle to get pregnant that I'd lay at our 8 week appointment staring at a monitor with no heartbeat. We grieved and got back on the fertility train in two months. Four months later - another positive. This time I was cautiously optimistic - but I was working in NYC and i was soooo sick. That was normal - I was throwing up, couldn't eat, etc. My numbers were through the roof and before I left for my 4 week gig - I surfed the web and it showed with those numbers it was either twins or a molar pregnancy. I had never heard of a molar pregnancy so I spent 8 weeks dreaming of two babies!

Eight week appointment - not only no heartbeat but I did in fact have a molar pregnancy - a complete molar at that which is more rare. I was sent to Northwestern Memorial for a D&C and follow up, since the rapidly dividing cells in a mole - mimic cancer cells and if the cells returned they could metastasize to my lung, liver or brain - leaving me with an 80% survival rate. Great odds but who wanted to risk it. The cells did in fact return and I spent the next five months on chemotherapy. Killing off the cells that at one point i though would be my biggest dream, my baby. The emotions and the process of infertility is truly only fully understood by those who walk it. I could solely blog about infertility and write forever. I may touch on it here or there especially if we decided to embark on it again. But for now - infertility and all the pain and frustration associated with it brought me to my greatest blessing. Our son.....

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The first post...

Though I'm not entirely sure why anyone would be all that interested in my daily life, I have decided to dive into the world of blogging. Partly to overcome my need as a writer to only "publish" writing that is perfect, but also as a way of keeping track of my life for my son Jack. I have followed many blogs this past year, including a few where the authors have passed away at young ages. It was amazing to follow their journeys and their families have a part of them to keep and read again.

So, I suppose my first few posts will be getting to know about me and my family. I am a mother to Jack who just turned a year on December 7! My husband John and I adopted Jack in February 2007 and we maintain an open relationship with his birth family. I hope to be able to share not only my journey to adoption, but also my journey through adoption as it integrates into our lives. Adoption is no longer "something we did" - but it is now apart of who we are. It is forever entwined in the fabric of our life. It has been our greatest gift and given us our greatest joy. And I bet you're did we get here?